News: GotchaMovies Movie Review: The Twilight Saga: New Moon
posted on Thursday, November 19, 2009 - 12:00:00 AM
I should first explain my relationship with the Twilight franchise. I view the craze and fan obsession to be preposterous. There are many reasons for this. For one, I don’t believe that teenagers actually know anything of love. They might believe the emotions they are feeling are deep and meaningful but in the grand scheme of things, they are not. I was a teenage girl once. I know how silly it all is. I was obsessed with N’Sync and Backstreet Boys and also dreamed of falling in love with those celebrities. I got over it and so will these girls who want to marry Edward and marry Jacob and be Bella.
Reason number two is that I find Stephenie Meyer’s writing to be insipid and appallingly dreadful. I have tried, multiple times, to finish reading the books. I love to read. I have hundreds of books in my library and will read anything from “trashy” romance novels to the newest business strategy books. As long as the basic story has substance and the writing is halfway decent, I will work my way through it. But with Meyer, not only can I not empathize with any of her characters but her writing style is atrocious. My friends bought a copy of Twilight and found that the only way we could get through it was to notate everything. So now we have a copy filled with drawings, edits, and suggestions. Needless to say, it’s the best copy of Twilight available.
I did watch the first movie. I watched it with my aforementioned friends. Mostly we went to see if the movie would be as terrible as the book. Sadly, it wasn’t. But we thoroughly enjoyed mocking the parts that deserved our criticism. We had planned to do the same for this movie. But out of pure luck, I happened to receive free tickets from a radio station to watch New Moon. So this time I dragged my friends and my sister along to the torture chamber. Last year I was able to see Twilight at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas, where booze are allowed (and even encouraged) so we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Tonight, sans booze, we still managed to luck out to be seated next to some fun fans who didn’t mind our loud and raucous laughter over the more ridiculous moments in the movie
To give you a brief synopsis, New Moon picks up right where Twilight left off. Bella (played by Kristen Stewart) is madly in love with her Romeo, Edward Cullen (played by Robert Pattinson). In fact, they even watch/read Romeo and Juliet in their English class. It is Bella’s 18th birthday and she goes to the Cullen’s to celebrate. In her clumsiness, she cuts her finger on one of the presents. The blood excites Jasper who rushes at her. Edward pushes Bella out of the way and in the entire hullabaloo, a lot of blood is spilt (obviously a dangerous situation if you’re in the midst of a bunch of vampires). In walks Carlisle (Edward’s dad and, conveniently, a doctor) who sews up Bella and tells her that the reason why Edward is so distraught over her wanting him to turn her into a vampire is because he feels vampires’ souls are doomed and does not want to inflict this on her. After a few days Edward mulishly tells Bella goodbye and that he’ll never see her again. She collapses into a ball and cries, thinking the world is ending. She takes months to recover and the only thing that brings her any joy is being with Jacob Black (played by Taylor Lautner). Jacob happens to be a werewolf, which is a big deal because werewolves and vampires are somehow mortal (no pun intended) enemies. Jacob and Bella get close but every time he tries to hit on her she says no. She also discovers the only way she can see Edward is to become an adrenalin junkie so she does stupid things like cliff jumping. After one harrowing episode of cliff jumping, Bella almost dies. Edward gets this mixed up and thinks she actually died so he goes off to reveal himself to the Volturi. The Volturi are the leaders of the vampires. They will kill any vampire who breaks the rules (one of which is showing themselves to humans). Edward plans on showing off his glittering body but luckily, Bella saves him in time. They both then have a nasty encounter with the Volturi involving a very mean Jane (played by the surprisingly evil Dakota Fanning). The Volturi eventually let them go based upon a promise made by the Cullens. Then there’s a face off between Jacob and Edward. Then comes the ending, which is pretty anticlimactic. Also thrown in there is the redheaded Victoria who is stalking Bella to get revenge on the Cullens for killing her mate James in the previous story. But there’s the story in a nutshell.
Now, in comparison to Twilight, New Moon is a much better film. Kristen Stewart, whom I absolutely abhorred in the first movie, actually displayed decent acting chops in this one. I did catch Stewart doing her infamous lip biting though. Someone must have once told her that men find this attractive and sexy. Either that or it is simply a terrible habit that some director needs to hammer out of her. In any case, she wasn’t half bad. She plays the distraught damsel-in-distress role pretty well. And she has a great shrieking voice (for the moments when she’s yelling bloody murder in her sleep since her beloved Edward has left her).
On the other hand, Robert Pattinson, was incredibly painful to watch. He looked high half the time (and I’m not talking about elevation). I know he was supposed to be brooding and mysterious but all he managed to get across was that he’s got the mentality of a rock. He’s also very good at looking like he’s in pain. Why anyone would choose to be on Team Edward is beyond me. He’s not even a very strong vampire. Sure he can read people’s minds but big deal. James (in the last movie) and the Volturi (in this movie) both manage to get the best of him. Bella, why would you pick such a weak boyfriend? And, by the way, when a guy glitters, he will always look stupid. Period. There are no ifs ands or buts about it.
For the third part of the love triangle, in comes Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black. I must say that Taylor Lautner has grown up to become a very handsome man. Every time Taylor stepped out without his shirt (which happened several times), there were sounds of appreciative murmuring rippling through the audience. Poor kid. I hope he’s ready for all of the attention he’s going to receive for his newfound body. While still not a great actor, the guy has some potential. None of us appreciated the abuse Bella kept heaping upon his head though. Word of advice Bella, don’t tell a man that you love him, grope him, and then tell him you’re choosing the other guy. It’s not nice.
As for other musings, first off, I think a round of applause should go to Chris Weitz, the director. New Moon flowed much more seamlessly than Twilight. And the music was a good match. The biggest improvement was the color scheme. Gone were the grays and blacks and in came the blues, golds, reds, and greens. The CGI was also admirable. The werewolves were much more “Babe-like” and much less “Garfield-like.” And, as in the first film, the action sequences were the most entertaining. The introduction to the Volturi (the ancient head of the vampires headquartered in Italy) was well done and interesting. The big fight scene with Edward versus the Volturi was actually fun to watch. Likewise, Jacob and Victoria’s big squabble was also a feast for the eyes as they tumbled, flipped, and flew through the air.
As for negative judgments, the movie definitely had its fair share of corny/lame lines. For instance “Age is just a number. Why are you so obsessed with age? What are you? 40?” got a lot of sniggers from the audience. It wasn’t as bad as Twilight’s “hold on little spider monkey” but it was close. Also bad was the line “I guess the wolf’s out of the bag.” I think everyone groaned at that one. My final negative comment (which does have its benefits) is the amount of half naked male body in the film. It was a bit gratuitous. I mean, surely werewolves don’t always roam around Washington in just their shorts? Granted the men were very good looking but it was clear that the sole purpose of their lack of clothing was to provide eye candy. And seeing as how Taylor is only 17 (16 in the film, which is incredibly young) it felt a bit weird to be eyeballing him. Robert Pattinson, on the other hand, definitely should have kept his shirt on more often. Pale, skinny, and hairy does not make for a good combination.
All in all, I’d give this movie a B rating (or 3 ½ out of 5 stars). I probably would have given it 4 stars but the ending was absolutely terrible. Everyone groaned. Maybe that’s exactly how the book ended in which case I shift the blame from Weiz and Summit to Meyer herself. Note to authors/screenwriters/anyone else, don’t end your stories on a cliffhanger/super lame note. It is not fun for your audience and they will boo you for it. I would not go watch New Moon again but I would not discourage anyone form watching it. Although, if you are a boy, even with all the added action sequences, you still probably won’t enjoy it. So leave New Moon to your girlfriends and go watch something more entertaining.
This The Twilight Saga: New Moon review is part 1 of a 3 part perspectives review. Read the second perspective here and the third one here.
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